Part 1

So I've been really busy this week. Like...insane in the membrane busy. I have a lot to talk about. Or at least I think I do. In my mind, there's a lot to be said. But it probably won't be much. But who gives a flying fig?

So...I'm gonna say it was Wednesday when this all started. So I wake up Tuesday morning with nothing planned for my day. Just a clean slate. I had the day off and I hadn't any plans. But you know, when you have friends like I do, you don't need to make plans for something awesome to happen. I ended up going to Dusty's grandmother's house that night. They were all playing DnD, I of course, spent the entire time throwing in my two cents. That seems to have worked out for the best, since I'm not much of a player anymore. So they all agreed that I could play humor. And I'm okay with that.

I has also listened to A7X's new album. Now...even though this will be on a different post...anybody who's thin enough to say that their last album isn't any good...is fucking stupid. And I'm not even a fan, nor do I find it that easy a listen. But I won't go into details...not yet.

So midway through the DnD quest, Dustin and I had decided to go out and grab something to eat. Dusty over heard the convo, now he's coming with us. Blablabla, and hour goes by. Dustin and Dusty are ready to go, I'm ready to go. We're all freaking ready to go. HOWEVER! Ryan decides to join us, and I haven't a problem with Ryan. He's become a good friend, and I very much enjoy his company. So we go out driving for something.

Mind you, it's like...four in the morning. And noooooothing was opened. At least nothing of interest was. Denny's? Hell no. IHop? Nope. Taco Bell? We love Taco Bell! Alas, they aren't opened. And McDonald's is only serving breakfast. Fuck.

So we drive further down, and I decided that we were gonna go on an adventure tonight. We love adventures. I turn onto the street that my sister and step-father's neighborhood is on, and for the life of me, I can't remember the street name.

We get to the end of this road...and we have three options.

1. Either turn left, and end up near a church and a some cookie-cutter houses.
2. Turn right, and end up at Greenwood High School.
3. Or go forward into this freshly, and I mean freshly paved road that lead into an abyss.

We went forward.

quickie

This will be a relatively short blog. Fuck you. Get over it.

So my sister got her high school schedule today. I'm excited. I'll be attending her freshman orientation on August 5th. I'll be threatening any boys that if they look at her the wrong way, I'll kick their teeth in. I'll also be showing up for the first day of school th threaten all of the older dudes. Fucking gross high school boys.

Googley eyes didn't come into work today. I figured that her eyes popped out of her head, then she crashed into a tree, where her eyes then became normal. But it wouldn't matter...being as she's crippled.

I feel bad now. Sorta. Not really.

Anywhoozle...

I'll have more to write about when I get back later tonight.

Tell Taylor Wicker she's beautiful. I'm serious. Message her. Even if you aren't her friend.

Late.

bitch

I've have put aside writing a new blog for too damn long. Three days? How absurd of me. Damn me for having a life and going places I've never been too, what ever will I do to make up for it? Well I'll do absolutely nothing! You can all go fuck your respective selves and think of all of the time you've wasted reading this little rant of mine! How exciting!

But please...save that for after the reading of this delightful blog.

I've had a busy week. I went to Kentucky and Missouri on Monday, came back to Indy on Tuesday, in which I went directly to work. Then, after work, Wesley and I drove around for a few hours and listened to My Bloody Valentine. We then ended up in a place called Acton, Indiana. And lemme tell you something, Acton is a very scary place to be at one thirty in the morning. So we drove back, and THAT'S when he grabbed some My Bloody Valentine. I love these guys. Especially this one song...it makes me drift. And I like drifting. Not while I'm driving though, because I was all over the road.

Then TODAY I spent most of my time cleaning my truck. I took it to Mike's Car Wash, where I had to go through the cycle TWICE because the fuckers didn't tell me to put it in neutral, not fucking park. I came out of the dryer area with my truck covered in soap. Fuck you Mike. Then my mother got home from driving around her super cool boyfriend(....................). After she got ready and I had taken a shower, we headed over to BW3's. I then consumed twenty-four teriyaki wings and a bunch of cheese covered potato wedges.

Here comes the best party of all...

After we left b-dubs, we went over to the Showplace 16 theater to watch...Eclipse. Miss.Davis...what is God's name have you done to me? Why? WHY ME?!

Fuck.

So I really hate that I told the waitress that I knew what perfume she was wearing...and I really hate how when I told her...I was correct.

I was Very Sexy by Victoria's Secret. I used to have a friend that wore it all the time, and we always used to hang out. That waitress wouldn't even give me any re-fills after that. What a betch...I should have tried to guess what kind of bra she was wearing as well.

Red and white perhaps? 34B? Recently ripped off by some drunken lout at his trailer home after a hookup at a bar on the east side? And maybe you woke up about fifteen minutes before you were supposed to be a work because that same guy probably gave you roofies and and you had to dress in your car in the parking lot? And you most likely doused your self in that perfume so people wouldn't be offended by the smell of cheap vodka, the man's gas station cologne, unwashed bed sheets, and regret? Am I right?

Of course I'm right, you whore. Now get me some wings.

They're are approximately 83 Crown Royal bags hanging in my room.

marty feldman

This is gonna take a bit to write. Or maybe not. I don't even know.

SO last night I got to hang out with my sister, and it was pretty awesome. We had McGangBangs. She has never eaten one before, so she was like NAWWWAAAWAAWAM!!!!

And then her stomach turned inside out and kicked her eggs. Ew. We spent hours playing Mario Kart 64 and Super Mario World 64. And I mean...we were up till four. Twas intense. "WALL JUMP! NO YOU DUMMY! WALL FREAKING JUMP! FAIL! START!" We're cool.

So for those who don't know my sister, she'll be a Frosh at Southport High School next year, and she's THE smartest person I know. Like...Rhodes Scholar smart. But unfortunately...she's terribly ditsy. It's amazing. She spent an hour trying trying to tell me this...

"Giraffes are super cool! It sucks that they're being continually hunted, and they're population is dwindling by the years."

Instead...she said this...

"Giraffes are ultra cool! But there isn't as many as there used to was cuz now they aren't as many as before because there used to be a lot but now they're fewer in numbers because hunters hunt them so now there is not as many much moosen box boxen."

I was like...wtffffffff?!??!?!

Anyways..so that was cool.

THEN I HAD TO GO TO WORK TODAY!

Nine hour shifts at a hillbilly gathering hole isn't really all that great. Ever. Except when things are going okay. I started my shift at eleven, and at three, googley eyes came in...oh mercy...

So I'm standing on a different side of the counter than usual because my co-worker Niki was maning the main register. And I'm bitching about how our manager NEVER GETS ENOUGH CIGARETTES EVER AND WE NEVER HAVE ENOUGH WHORE! Oh man...and she HAD to say something...

"Blubluebluubereb buryblubbery boobooboobloooueee?"

She's speaks trailer trash...but I was able to depict her language. The best way to do this is to drool, and slam your head against a counter about seven thousand times.

"Is all you ever dew is bith and complain?"

So I'm like listen here YOU MARTY FUCKING FELDMAN LOOK ALIKE! GO HOME AND HAVE YOUR DIKE CLUB MEMBER HIT YOU IN THE PACKAGE WITH YOUR MONKEY WRENCH SOME MORE!

Okay...maybe all of that wasn't said...but I did tell her that she looked like Marty Feldman and that she should have someone push her eyes back into her socket. And if you don't know who Marty Feldman is...he's that guy who's picture I've posted at the top of this post. I know...it's funny. Laugh it up. But that's what she looks like...I KID YOU NOT!

I hope this was funny. I really wanted to base my blogs off of how Miss.Wicker writes her's. But alas, I will do what I can do best.

Also, Miss.Wicker, you're cute. Thank you for stopping by today.

ALSO...derpderpderpderpderpderpdprp blugeeegblueeegguboovoovoobooboobooboobooboo!

For Lissa. Derp.

OH my goodness...it's seven 'o clock at night. And I'm tired as hell. I need to NOT be tired. I'm going to hang out with sister tonight, and I don't get to see her that often. She's be a freshman in high school this coming up school year...oh wow...

I remember when she was so small. I met her when I was four, and she would have turned one that October. And for those of you who don't understand my sister and I's relationship; she is, in all reality, my "step" sister. And when my mom divorced my step dad my sophomore year, we got scared and didn't think we were ever going to see each other. That ended up not being the case. I'm still close to my...ex-step-dad? Whatever, he's still Ryan to me. And Emily, his daughter, is still just Emily. They are both family to me, and there family is still part of my family as well.

It was funny when Dustin told me that he missed Ryan being here as well as I, he and Davis both. And it's not like I miss him in the sense that my mom's boyfriend is mean, because he's not, he's just not Ryan. And I know I acted like Ryan didn't matter to me, or that wasn't much of a father figure for me, because he was. He taught me all about music, Notre Dame football, how to throw a football, how to drive, and most importantly, he stuck around after he moved out of the house. He didn't disappear or anything. He let me come over to his house every Saturday to watch Notre Dame play, and his family still took me in as there own.

And for that, I'm glad. Because they are some amazing people. They all still ask how my mother is doing, and they all keep in contact with me. I love them dearly, and I feel that the divorce actually made us all closer. Weird. I was certain that it would tear everything up. But it didn't. Thank. God.

Anywhoozle..

I'd like to take time and talk about my clique from Southport (aka The Group).

Yea, I know "The Group" doesn't have a lot of flare or excitement to it. But we started the name up YEARS ago. And it just stuck.

The group consists of the following awesome people...

-Dustin Arritt
-Davis Williams
-Dusty Bracken
-Ben Miceli
-Kelly (Foxy-chan) Hensley
-Ryan Schilling
-Sara Steinmeyer
-Myself

That's just the main stage, sometimes we have different people come and go. Like the most recent doucher who had to be let go, I can't say his name, but it rhymes with Even Webb.

The group started in sixth grade at Southport Middle School, when and where Davis, Dustin and I first met. I met Dustin one day during lunch because I was wearing a Black Sabbath t-shirt, and he came up from behind me (harharhar), and was like "Dude! Nice shirt! So you're a Sabbth fan as well, I presume?"

We've been best friends ever since.

I met Davis during a bout with art club one day, he was sitting next to James White in the table closest to the door. By the end of the school year, we were all good buddy's.

Now the story with Dusty is a little funny, so I'll do my best to recollect. Because Dusty and I also met during my sixth grade year as well. HOWEVER! We were sworn enemies right off the bat. There was always some kind of tension between us, probably because I was so much cooler than he was. And I'm totally kidding about that (except not really). I remember the day that totally set him and I in place. We had like... a month left in the school year, and we were leaving Ms.Adams math/science class. As I'm leaving the class room, Dusty takes a pencil, then stabs me in the arm with it. What a dick, right? Well actually, it didn't hurt. But I ended up getting him in trouble, and he was suspended for the rest of that year.

So yea. Although the 'core' of the group is Dustin, Davis and myself, Dusty had been the ring leader during our high school years. Since he always sets plans for us to all hang out, and since we ALWAYS hang out at either his parent's or grandmother's house.

And I'm glad I'm part of this group. We're all family, and we all have a strong love for each other. Sometimes that love may go a little tooooo far, we manage. We are all a rock solid, tight nit group of people. Even after everything changed. Even after we all fell apart after Sara and I's breakup. I remember calling Dustin and telling him I was no longer his friend. It was so fucking stupid.

But Dustin said something the other day, and even though we already knew it, we hadn't had a chance to hear it out loud.

He said, "It's funny how just a year ago, this was completely torn apart, and we all loathed each other. Not it has all come back together."

And even though we all wanted to tell him to stop being a fagot, I think deep down inside, we all wanted to say thanks. Because it was true. It was only a year ago, and we all hated each other. It was crazy. I never felt so out of place.

So this is me telling the group that I love them.

I love you guys. You're the best possible friends I could have, and I wouldn't change a thing about you.

Well...except Davis. Stop being a pompous jack ass.

I'm sorry this was so long and boring and drawn out and blablabla.

Sam Cooke will save me

Today was okay. I went back to work after my week long suspension, and I damn near forgot how to run the fucking register. I was really glad when all of the regulars were happy to see me. They were all asking where I was and how I was doing.

And then she came in. The woman that got me suspended. Apparently she didn't like my "condescending" tone.

I can't fucking stand this woman. She's a thirty-seven year old single woman who got knocked up at some dive bar a couple of years ago. So she hates her kid, men, and her job as a oil changer at some backward ass gas station.

And to top it off?

She's googley eyed.

So she walks up th the counter with her Slim Jims and her gas station tampons. And the first thing she says is, "They let you come back? That's bullshit!"

So I had this, like, euphoric moment. It was intense. I kid you not, I lean up on the other side of the counter, so I'm directly in front of her with her googley eyes. And I say...

"Listen here you ho bunk, white trash, cunt. I don't care that you talk about me when you leave the store, and I don't care that you send in little petty complaints about my tone of voice. But the next time you decide yell at me in front of my co-workers, and my customers, in my fucking store, I will toss you outa here so fucking fast you'll see straight. Now get the fuck out."

She walked out the store crying.

But that didn't bring my day down, it just made it more awesome. And you wanna know what made my day more awesome? This girl started to talk to me again after a few weeks. We haven't spoken since my little mishap, and I was wondering if we'd ever speak again.

And you know what? Even though we're not together, I still like to think that she's the coolest gal I've ever met. She's one of my best friends, and even though she'll probably never read this, I still love her dearly. I've never met someone who has it all together like she does. She just has "it." And I wish I knew what "it" was. But I know she has "it."

And yea, I'm upset about it. Who wouldn't be? She was my first legit gal friend. Lemme mope a while will ya?

Anywhoozle...

Blablablabla...I don't want people telling me I'll find someone else. Boobooboo, it kinda has nothing to do with that. She was great, and her family was great, and her friends were great. Err..they still are, but you get my drift.

She's still a great person. She's gonna end up making a difference some day. And it's gonna be fucking awesome.

And if I don't stop now, I'll keep ranting about her. Because she's that fucking cool. You're just jealous.

Ohh...if it keeps on raining...

Okay...fuck...

I just watched New Moon. And it's was an okay movie. It wasn't great, and I would never see it again, mostly because of the awkwardness that's injected into you. I mean, it's like they're the masters of making everything awkward. And to make it worse, I was watching it with my mom.

Now...understand...my mother is the absolute worse person to watch a movie with. Especially since she doesn't really get what's going on. Now she claims she has watches Twilight.

I don't believe her. At. All.

She kept asking me questions.

"Why does everyone think Edward's hot?"
"I bet she tastes like fried chicken and mashed potatoes to Edward!" (not really a question)
"Are those wolf people, vampire hunters?"
"Who's the guy in the wheel chair?"
"Who's the red headed chick?"

She a either a typical mother who'll never understand anything that's NOT related to her generation.

Or.

She's a typical black woman in the movie theater. Always making a scene, or laughing way too loud, or asking too many questions.

Anywhoozle...the movie was alright. It was... neutral. It left too much out of the book, like any other movie that's made from a book. But I definitely want to watch Eclipse now. I've become a fan now. I may even read the books again. I fucking loved the books.

I'm changing the subject now.

So I was with my friends from Southport again, along with Sara Steinmeyer, a friend from Perry.

And we were all at Dusty's house. It was the usual, we always gather just to be with each other. We don't always do something particularly fun. But we love the company. And I now love Black and Milds. Fuck.

And then, obviously, nothing really happened.

Until about 3:30 a.m.

It was just James, Russel, Dusty, Davis, and myself. And for most of the night, Davis kept bitching about going to McDonalds. He wanted something called a "McGangBang."

And for anybody who doesn't know what that is, it's when you take a McChicken, and you out it inside of the McDouble. McGangBang.

So I finally drive over to MickyD's...with Davis and Dusty with me. And I pull up, and I ordered nine McChickens and nine McDoubles. We had to feed five people. So shut up. We get to the window, and because we've ordered so much, we have to wait a bit. And we sit there, listening to some blues from my radio, we see one of the workers come up to this machine and make a milkshake.

Well this PISSED Dusty off.

"WHO ORDERS A FUCKING MILKSHAKE THIS FUCKING EARLY?!"

And the manger looks at us like wtffffff?!?!?!??!?!?! You fat-asses just ordered EIGHTEEN FUCKING SANDWICHES!

Eventually we get back home, where we then consume the McGangBangs. I want you all to know...it really hurts. Don't ever ever ever eat one. My friends are fat.

Damn cinema

This will be a relatively short piece of writing, as I am about to embark on a journey. That journey? New Moon.

I promised myself that I would never watch the Twilight Saga, let alone enjoy them. But After I watched Twilight, I thought "What the Hell? It can't be that bad can it? I'll go ahead and order New Moon from my dvr."

I have since, ordered New Moon from my dvr.

I also want to do a call forward here really quick, and say that it's never okay for me, and two other people to go to McDonalds at three in the morning, and do what we did. It was insane. My heart is still not 100%.

I will be back within the next two hours.

I love you.

And God save me.

plastic cups

I really hate that I didn't type anything up yesterday. But I was doing productive things. Like going to White Castle at five o' clock in the morning, and throwing salt into people's eyes. Oh...and I took a bunch of garbage and threw in onto some girl's car. She totally deserved it. Sorta. Or maybe she didn't.

And I'm pretty sure I'm going to a DnD party tonight. Yes, I play Dnd. I am a bard! I play guitar and sing and things!

So I got a new back window for my truck! Exciting?! Yes? No? Fuck you then.

I had an entire pallet of words and ideas that I wanted to regurgitate back onto here, but I have since, lost all of of it. Can I live?

Also...

Fuck you, people who ride my ass on I-65. I'm in the far right lane, going the speed limit. Fuck you.

I wish I had more interesting things to tell you.

I love that I have attractive girly friends. Thank you ladies. I love all of you. Well, not ALL of you. Most of you.

I feel like I'm trying to write like Taylor Wicker. Which isn't so bad. I love how she writes. And I'm not original. Nor am I able to function without plastic cups. I love plastic cups.

Dave: So what's up? You say listen here c--- sucker, what the fuck?
Caleb: You've lost me dude.
Dave: No. Just think, the phrase, listen c--- sucker, what the fuck?
Caleb: Dave, what the fuck are you talking about?
Dave: *fist bump* You da man.
Caleb: Thank you, Dave?
Dave: *eats more chicken* Fucking black cab driver, doesn't know who Lenny Kravitz is!
Caleb: I'm leaving Dave.
Dave: Hey mister cab driver, fuck you, ima survivor!

I love my uncle Dave.

And plastic cups.

My next blog will be more productive.

For you, Miss.Wicker

So today was pretty successful.

I got my college schedule made out today. And that process wasn't stressful at all. Nope. No way. Completely, 100% stress free!

So this is what it made it so stressful...
First of all, the lady guiding us through the process was possibly mayyyyybeeeee...80...billion. Years. Old. And random body parts kept falling off of her. Eventually she withered away, and we had three more, inexperienced young(er) ladies come in and help us. And since I'm getting in my classes so late in the summer, I only scored one morning class. Danish. Danish all to hell.

But lemme back track a bit...

Before this had all taken place, I had a dentist appointment scheduled about four hours before my class selection had taken place.
And just so we're all on the same page, my appointment was at 10 a.m. and my class selection was at 2 p.m.
Anywhoozle...
I get to the office right at ten, and they lady at the front desk, Christina is her name I think, was all bubbly and happy. She tells me to have a seat and they'll get me to the back rooms asap.
Forty-five minutes later, I am finally in that bendy, uncomfortable dentists chair. With that huge fucking light shining directly into the center of my eyes. And my dentist, God save me, is this black guy named Sean. Now...Sean is not just ANY ol' black guy. He's Tiger. Which means he almost as white as I am, and I'm transparent. And the goal was to get my porcelain tooth in where my plastic one sits. Yes. I have false teeth. Good thing I'm not trying to get any lady friends of mine to notice me.............(the dots mean I'm being facetious)
So he cut off the plastic one, and try's unsuccessfully to shove the newer, shinier one, into this metal rod that was drilled into my skull about two months ago.
But of course, THAT didn't work out. Like at all. Nigger.
So he's cutting the rod shorter so this new tooth will fit, but he was gonna have to cut on the sides of my gums. Awesome. But I hadn't the time. So I was like fuck it, don't give me any Novocain. It won't hurt THAT bad, and if you do indeed give me Novocain, I'll be as high as a kite all day.

I have never hurt so much...ever. Well actually...yes I have. Not the fucking point.
So I get the tooth on. Only it's neon white. Again, I'm glad I'm not trying to impress any ladies...................(you know the situation)

Sean likes to sing while operating. So while I was wringing in pain from a saw to the gums, he was preoccupied in singing "Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga. Fuck you Tiger Woods wanna be. I hope your wife beats you senseless tonight.

I've been dieting. Just so you all know. And all this week started off my "I won't consume like a monster ever again" campaign. And it's been pretty successful so far. I drink sixty-four ounces of water a day. And I eat...good food. And by "good," I mean fucking terrible. But whatever.

I'm gonna be all lean and stuff. Hell. Yus. You know you wanna piece. Maybe not now. But when I've slimmed!

Fuck you, Conservatives!!!

Menthol

So I spent some time with two of my closest friends from Southport today...and it never ceases to amaze me that whenever we do see each other, I become nostalgic.
I can't help remembering when I first met them waaaay back at Southport Middle School. We were definitely bad asses.
My hair was always in my eyes, and always dark and tangled from lack of sun and product. And I use to wear these black jeans that were all ripped and torn, with my Black Sabbath t-shirt that had a fiery cross on the back. I wore a Metallic wrist band on my left wrist, and a I <3 Carbs on the other, along with some black jelly bracelets.

I was such a fagot.

But I become much more "me" as I moved and soaked in Perry. I remember I hated Perry my freshman year...I hated the teachers, the people in my classes, the lunch ladies, everyone. It was pretty fucking ridiculous. Obviously, that is, nor will that ever be, the case. I love Perry. Or did...stupid graduation.

I also stopped by my work on the way to the Southport area to get a water. I walked out with a water...and some menthol swishers. Hell. Yus.
You know that weird numb feeling you get in your mouth when you suck on a mint?
It's like smoking a mint. Except you look way cooler. I'm kidding. I look like an idiot.

I'm getting better at this (twss).
I'll be back tomorrow for some SERIOUS rants.
Oh...I'm listening to Elton John right now.
B-b-b-Benny!

This is so new to me.

Wow.
So this is my first time being a blogger. I feel as if this will go far, or further than I'm expecting. I'm not much of a writer. Even after a year of going to Lyndon Wall's journalism class, I have still yet to conquer what makes me a poor writer.
Oh well.
I hope she reads this. I will be so happy if she picks up on my blogging adventure. Right now I'm just trying to get the feel of this, I feel kinda out of place.
I plan on blogging about what goes on with me during the course of my day(s).
Oh my...this is all chopped up.
I will post something newer later tonight, after my friend Dustin and I hang out. He likes to smoke all of my swisher sweets. I'll probably just buy him a pack of those mini-cigars they sell at my work.
Anyways...
I apologize the boring-ness of this, my very first blog. Just give me time. I'll get this.
I love you.